Now Nursery Is Over

Toddler hand colouring in circles

Today, the kids and I walked along to the nursery my 5yo won't be going back to. We were collecting her puddlesuit, her change of clothes and her Peppa Pig backpack, all of which she has outgrown.

She wore her school uniform for the twelfth day in a row. 

She's excited about starting school. She wants somewhere to go and something to do and other children her own age to talk to. She is ready.

And, for that reason, part of me was pleased when the Scottish Government's Plan A switched from blended learning to full-time schooling. 

Another part of me - the larger part - is panicking. It feels too fast, too soon. I'm scared our left wing parliament has been pressured into Being More Boris. I've learned I need protection and I don't know how I feel about having it withdrawn. 

I'm worried people will go a bit daft if they feel the pressure's off. 

From my living room window, I can see eight adults and seven children splashing around in one big paddling pool and... well... I'm not convinced they really all share the one washing machine, you know? I could (sort of, grudgingly) shrug it off when it didn't directly affect me, but my 5yo's going to be in a room with twenty-odd other children in six weeks' time and I want to trust their parents to keep her (and us and her teacher) safe by following the rules.

But I don't want us to revert to Plan B if it all goes wrong. It doesn't sound doable and I don't want to witness the backlash. 

So I'm trying to focus on 2021. I'm trying to imagine walking along to nursery with 2yo 3yo, having dropped her big sister at school. I'm trying to look ahead to that point when this strange locked down life we're all living is a thing of the past, when I look back on it and remember the calm, sunny bits and how nice it was to have Steve working in our dimly lit cupboard and all the windows having rainbows in them and the children playing together all day long (memories are never quite accurate). The bit when I could nip to the shop for chocolate and not have to make an unnecessary "necessary" purchase while I was there. I want space and spontaneity.

This morning was better for seeing the familiar faces of the nursery staff. For having a bit of a yap. For letting them gush about how big the kids have grown.

We gathered rose petals on the way home. 

We ate ice lollies in the garden.

We had a chat about all the people we want to hug.

We're okay today.