Thinking Out Loud (Then Taking It Back)
So, here we are: it's almost two weeks since I last posted on this blog.
It's not two weeks since I last drafted a blog post, though. I've written loads of blog posts in the last two weeks. Big, long, wordy blog posts; blog posts with turns of phrases which made me smile with self-satisfied glee; blog posts which, ultimately, I wasn't happy to publish even though it pained me to delete all that effort.
I wrote about how Matilda used to be a little nervous when she went into a new group setting but nowadays pelts straight towards the most precarious looking climbing frame without a backwards glance. Her growing independence makes me proud. But it was too hard to write about it without writing too much about her.
I was violently ill over the weekend. I wrote about throwing up and the moments when I wondered whether it might be morning sickness (our current forms of contraception are tiredness and staying up later than intended). I wrote about how that brought into focus the question of whether or not we want and/or are ready for a second baby. But, frankly, the answer to that is between Steve and me.
And, as I lay in bed on Sunday morning, too ill to look after my own child, I was suddenly hit by memories of those awful few days in hospital when I was separated from my newborn baby. I had known that the sorrow was still there, inside me somewhere, but it ambushed me and I wrote my way through it, spewing the most painful moments into my keyboard so that they were no longer in my throat. It was a long, incoherent, deeply personal post and it didn't need to be shared.
So, here I am, still feeling my way forward with this blogging-just-for-fun thing; filtering out the overly personal but wanting to share more than just book reviews (anybody want to read about my fancy new decoupling drainpipe?!).
Stopping by to say hello.
What have you not dared share on your own blog of late?
Hi! I'm a 30-something stay-at-home feminist mother-of-one. I live in Aberdeen, Scotland with my toddler, boyfriend and two black cats. I talk a lot about this stuff: